So as I stepped out of the shower 20 minutes ago I heard the 4 year old singing in my bedroom. Earlier today I had introduced him to some Van Morrison in the car and he quickly picked up on the chorus for ‘Days Like This’. He is beginning to sing along in the car more and more. He is particularly fond of Weezer at the moment.

So anyway, I am getting dressed and I pick up on the fact that he isn’t singing any song I have heard before. He is making it up. So I point out that he could maybe be a song writer someday (I like to do this on occasion so he knows what his options might be down the road). He, of course, tells me he can’t do that because he can’t write…

He is so literal.

So I crawl into bed with him and ask him to teach me the song. He starts and I ask him if he would like me to write it down for him. He agrees that this is an excellent idea.

So I would like to share the song with you. Please be aware that I did no coaching or leading. In fact several times he pointed at the paper indicating that I should be writing when I was not. So here it is.

Today and Tomorrow

I will be here for you

You can stay (3)

Today and tomorrow

You will be here for me

There’s something special about you

Today and Tomorrow

I don’t know where you are

We will sing with you

And we will be here with you

Today and Tomorrow

You can stay (3)

We were here

You don’t remember

Way up in the clouds

And I will be here for you and me

There’s something special about you

Today and Tomorrow

We were there

We were there

And we might stay up in the clouds

I will be here for you.

Words and music by The 4 Year Old.

Neda. The face of a revolution

I was gone on vacation all last week and out of touch with much of what was happening in Iran. I saw some of it begin before I left but decided to totally check out on this vacation. No TV, no Internet, no cell phone. It was dreamy. The last night we were there, however, I decided to check what kind of world I was walking back into. Although I knew the protests were still going on I had no idea how far they had gone. I read Andrew Sullivan’s blog quite a bit. Not just because I like his blog but he is so good at linking to other bloggers for more information. Saturday night I sat down at my sister-in-law’s laptop and headed over to read Sullivan and catch up. What I saw blew me away. Sullivan has been collecting Tweets from people in Iran for days. It is really remarkable to see what is going on in this way. This is a technological revolution. We have always heard how tech was going to change our lives in significant ways. In my opinion this is the most significant to date. While the Iranian regime is trying to stifle outside communication it’s citizens have been finding a way. Who knew that the tool that allows us to further our obsessions with celebrities would be the one way a revolution could communicate with the outside world when the rest of the media is being cut-off. And let’s not forget youtube. Amateur video of the demonstrations and atrocities are all over the site. including the video of the killing of a young girl named Neda. Youtube, rightly in my opinion, has chosen to air this video uncensored. I warn you it is graphic and disturbing. That fact makes it no less important for people to see.

I only hope her death and the others who have died lead to real change in Iran. It is the key to change in the Middle East. This doesn’t look like it is going to end anytime soon. Today there have been talks of nationwide strikes to shut down the economy. What we are witnessing is historic. It is an enlightened, impassioned movement standing up for their rights as citizens of the world. They are no longer just Iranians in my eyes. They are comrades at war with oppression and abuse of power. We should all stand beside them now.

Just the other day I posted a quick blurb praising Obama’s speech in Cairo on my Facebook page. One of my friends asked for specifics. Once I got started I couldn’t stop so he might have gotten more than he bargained for. It was a nice chance for me to look over the speech again in more detail and really quite rewarding for me if no one else. What follows is that response:

What we are seeing fromObama concerning the Middle East is a pragmatic approach to the generations long conflict between the Middle East and the rest of the world. For too long US policy has been handcuffed by our allegiance with Israel. it didn’t matter what the Israelisdid, right or wrong, we stood with them. We are now seeing a break from that stance. It is morally wrong, in my opinion, to stand with one over another regardless of actions. The peoples of the Middle East have long been ignored, or worse looked at as a problem needing to be solved. It is time they were allowed at the table and given the opportunity to decide their own fates:

“More recently, tension has been fed by colonialism that denied rights and opportunities to many Muslims, and a Cold War in which Muslim-majority countries were too often treated as proxies without regard to their own aspirations. Moreover, the sweeping change brought by modernity and globalization led many Muslims to view the West as hostile to the traditions of Islam.”

In this simple passage at the very beginning of his speech he acknowledges the past sins of the world community with regards to the Middle East.

Immediately after he laid appropriate blame at the feet of extremists:

“Violent extremists have exploited these tensions in a small but potent minority of Muslims. The attacks of September 11th, 2001 and the continued efforts of these extremists to engage in violence against civilians has led some in my country to view Islam as inevitably hostile not only to America and Western countries, but also to human rights. This has bred more fear and mistrust.”

He then called for reconciliation:

“So long as our relationship is defined by our differences, we will empower those who sow hatred rather than peace, and who promote conflict rather than the cooperation that can help all of our people achieve justice and prosperity. This cycle of suspicion and discord must end.

I have come here to seek a new beginning between the United States and Muslims around the world; one based upon mutual interest and mutual respect; and one based upon the truth that America and Islam are not exclusive, and need not be in competition. Instead, they overlap, and share common principles – principles of justice and progress; tolerance and the dignity of all human beings.”

This was all in the first few minutes of his speech. When was the last time a US president reached out to the Middle East in this way while remaining so pragmatic about extremism and the dangers it imposes from both sides. The Muslim world does not hold exclusive rights to extremism.

Later he spoke of negative stereotypes of Islam while comparing them to the stereotypes much of the Muslim world has of us:

“And I consider it part of my responsibility as President of the United States to fight against negative stereotypes of Islam wherever they appear.

But that same principle must apply to Muslim perceptions of America. Just as Muslims do not fit a crude stereotype, America is not the crude stereotype of a self-interested empire. The United States has been one of the greatest sources of progress that the world has ever known. We were born out of revolution against an empire. We were founded upon the ideal that all are created equal, and we have shed blood and struggled for centuries to give meaning to those words – within our borders, and around the world. We are shaped by every culture, drawn from every end of the Earth, and dedicated to a simple concept: E pluribus unum: “Out of many, one.”"

And this has to be my favorite passage from his speech:

“Of course, recognizing our common humanity is only the beginning of our task. Words alone cannot meet the needs of our people. These needs will be met only if we act boldly in the years ahead; and if we understand that the challenges we face are shared, and our failure to meet them will hurt us all.

For we have learned from recent experience that when a financial system weakens in one country, prosperity is hurt everywhere. When a new flu infects one human being, all are at risk. When one nation pursues a nuclear weapon, the risk of nuclear attack rises for all nations. When violent extremists operate in one stretch of mountains, people are endangered across an ocean. And when innocents in Bosnia and Darfur are slaughtered, that is a stain on our collective conscience. That is what it means to share this world in the 21st century. That is the responsibility we have to one another as human beings.”

To talk of shared responsibility as human beings is a call to arms but not violent arms. It is a call to find in ourselves the tolerance and understanding of other peoples and cultures in order to form stronger bonds and better communication between civilizations.

There will always be radicals and evil men on both sides. We are not blameless in this war but Obama addressed that as well:

“And finally, just as America can never tolerate violence by extremists, we must never alter our principles. 9/11 was an enormous trauma to our country. The fear and anger that it provoked was understandable, but in some cases, it led us to act contrary to our ideals. We are taking concrete actions to change course. I have unequivocally prohibited the use of torture by the United States, and I have ordered the prison at Guantanamo Bay closed by early next year.

So America will defend itself respectful of the sovereignty of nations and the rule of law. And we will do so in partnership with Muslim communities which are also threatened. The sooner the extremists are isolated and unwelcome in Muslim communities, the sooner we will all be safer.”

After reiterating our alliance with Israel Obama goes on to defend the rights of Palestinians:

“On the other hand, it is also undeniable that the Palestinian people – Muslims and Christians – have suffered in pursuit of a homeland. For more than sixty years they have endured the pain of dislocation. Many wait in refugee camps in the West Bank, Gaza, and neighboring lands for a life of peace and security that they have never been able to lead. They endure the daily humiliations – large and small – that come with occupation. So let there be no doubt: the situation for the Palestinian people is intolerable. America will not turn our backs on the legitimate Palestinian aspiration for dignity, opportunity, and a state of their own.”

Too often we hear about the rockets being launched from Gaza on Israel and not enough about the humiliations suffered by the ordinary Palestinian everyday of his life. How would we react if we suffered these kinds of humiliations day after day? How would we react if we had no work and our families were living in refugee camps without food?

It is time to acknowledge not just Israel’s right to exist but also the Palestinian right to something we, in this country, take for granted: a home.

“At the same time, Israelis must acknowledge that just as Israel’s right to exist cannot be denied, neither can Palestine’s. The United States does not accept the legitimacy of continued Israeli settlements. This construction violates previous agreements and undermines efforts to achieve peace. It is time for these settlements to stop.

Israel must also live up to its obligations to ensure that Palestinians can live, and work, and develop their society. And just as it devastates Palestinian families, the continuing humanitarian crisis in Gaza does not serve Israel’s security; neither does the continuing lack of opportunity in the West Bank. Progress in the daily lives of the Palestinian people must be part of a road to peace, and Israel must take concrete steps to enable such progress.”

Obama also managed to throw in something about religious freedom and women’s rights.

Overall, a staggeringly pragmatic and optimistic speech. It’s tone was dead on and it is the first step, of which I hope there are many, on a road to peace and tolerance in the world.

With all that is wrong in the world I will never stop hoping that we can achieve peace in my lifetime. Against all odds I will do whatever small thing I can to help.

I know I haven’t posted in a long time. I have, honestly, felt so overwhelmed by everything that is going on I sort of cocooned. I was hoping to emerge as a butterfly but, alas, me and the world are still crawling around in the dirt wishing we could fly. It took the teabaggers to wake me from my slumber. It took Glen Beck and Fox news to get me moving again. So here we are 3 months into Obama’s first term and man I got to tell you that whole euphoric sense of hope feels so far away. It can’t possibly have only been 5 months since I stood on a street corner in Durham in November and felt like the world had changed. The more that comes out about this financial crises and what a few hundred people were able to do to wreck our economy the more I feel angry. The teabaggers are angry to of course. The problem is they don’t know who, or what, should be blamed. What’s really happening with these rallies is they are being usurped for political gain by the right.  If you simply look at some of the signs people have at these rallies you understand that they are being used to push the right wing agenda on everything from taxes to gay marriage. Most of these people at these rallies are being used by the Republican party to generate media attention. The Republicans were scared shitless when they lost to a black guy with a Kenyan father preaching hope and change. How the fuck could they lose to that guy. This is America after all. We keep those who are not white, male and over the age of 55 on the edges of power not right in the middle of it.

Most of the people at these rallies can do nothing more than spew back what they have heard from Glen Beck, Hannity, O’Reilly et al. Very few of them have actually read any in-depth analysis of this crises and it’s true roots nor do they realize the hypocrisy of blaming the Democrat in office without blaming the Republican who just left. God forbid they look in the mirror. I would lay even money that a few of the people at these rallies lost their homes. Now I don’t mean to be unsympathetic here but many people who lost their homes were victims of their own greed. They bought houses they couldn’t afford with no money down and an interest only loan payment and when it blew up they needed someone to blame.What’s really infuriating is that these people sat silent while the Bush administration ran up huge deficit numbers and purposely left the cost of the war out of every single budget the sent to The Hill. Why are they just now deciding to get angry. I’ll tell you partof the reason; they lost and continue to lose. They lost the election to a black guy with a foreign sounding name, they lost their keys to the halls of power, they are losing the battle against gay marriage. They are being marginalized. They are becoming the minority and they are scared to death.

This brings me to the realreason that last November feels so far away. I will admit, right here and now, that I fell for the bait. I believed it really could be different. I believed we really could change the way it worked in America. It hasn’t happened though, has it? Instead of both parties coming together to get us out of this mess we have even more partisan divides than ever. I am not crazy about Geitners bank bailout but the budget the Republicansrolled out was a joke. All the right seems to be able to do is scream louder than everyone else in order to be the loudest thing on your TV. It is depressing to find ourselves knee deep in one of this countries worst financial crises and hear nothing but partisan bickering from the folks who just lost the election. Sore losers every single one of them.

It all makes me want to curl up in my cocoon again. At least for awhile I can pretend I still have a 401k that is worth anything. I can pretend my house is still appreciating and that my son won’t be paying exorbitantly high taxes for the rest of his life. Maybe this time me and the world can really emerge changed in some significant way. I doubt it though and it’s that doubt that makes me sadder than anything else.

Well it’s all over except for the shoes. I pick those up today.

I can’t say enough about this program and the Live For Life folks. It has not always been easy but with the encouragement from Heather and Kay I was able to press on. Poor Kay, she probably felt more like my therapist than my nutritionist. They both displayed a wonderful level of excellence in what they do. I will be checking in with Heather periodically when I see her at the gym in the mornings. I am sure if she doesn’t see me I will get an email telling me to get my butt back to the gym.

Let’s go over the final numbers. Scales have been wonky this whole time so I decided to take an average of 3 different scales. The official tally on weight lost appears to be…drum roll please…14 pounds in 10 weeks! 6 pounds short of my 20 pound goal but still a significant weight loss. This morning Heather and I redid my fitness evaluation and we also found some good news there. My girth measurements have all gone down at least 2 inches around my waist, hips and thighs. My Body Mass Index (BMI) also dropped around 5%. My stretch test improved from the 20th percentile to the 50th percentile. My push-up count doubled. During the 3 minute cardio test I felt stronger and the exercise felt much easier.

After the fitness evaluation I worked out for about 30 minutes since I was already at the gym. That means I reached my goal this week of increasing my workouts to 3 days a week. Having closed my show last weekend I got more rest and more time with my family. The difference in the way I felt during my workouts this week was palpable. I felt stronger and more prepared in the mornings. It is a relief to have some of my time back and not feel like everything I was doing was an obligation.

Quickly, I just want to touch on something. Brian Roth has been conducting the interviews you can see on the Live For Life site. He asked me the other day what my favorite part of this whole thing has been. There are two things really. Firstly it’s the people I have met over the ten week period. I can’t say enough about all the Live For Life staff and the work they do. I have really come to appreciate this unique program and it’s importance to the Duke community. I have to give a special shout out to my trainer Heather. Some days it was really hard to get motivated to go to the gym every Thursday morning much less workout. Heather’s approach and her positive and down to earth attitude always helped get me going. Even on the tough mornings when I felt like I had nothing left in the tank. I always felt like she was genuinely pulling for me. She is great at her job, has a real love for it and is a great asset to the Duke community.

Secondly, I really enjoyed the emails I got from several of you in the Duke community. The idea that people were actually paying attention to us and our ten week endeavor made it fun. Several folks took the time to email me words of congratulations and encouragement. When I got the first one of these I was a little taken aback. I hadn’t expected people to follow along that closely. After the initial email I found myself wanting to connect with more people. I wanted to share my experience in the hope that I could, in some small way, help others who may be on this same journey. Thanks to all of you who offered those words and cheered us on.

In closing I must remind myself that this is not the end of this process but the beginning. My goal is still 50 pounds by the end of the year. I told Kay the other day that I really felt like these habits had really started to settle into my bones. No longer do I feel the need to quickly lose weight. I am now able to feel it when I indulge and when my body needs a workout. I now have a routine for packing my lunch and including fruit and veggies. I have a routine of working out in the mornings. I have become accustomed to the small gains over time instead of feeling the need for big gains.

This will be the last post I make on the Live For Life website but I will continue to track my progress on my own blog at: http://thoughtsformyson.wordpress.com/. If your interested in following my updates please drop by. You can even sign up for email updates when a new post has been made.

Thanks again to everyone who helped me in this endeavor. I has been a truly rewarding experience.

Well we are rounding the bend on this adventure in wellness and only have one week left. Let’s start with the good news: I am officially down 13 pounds at this point. Pretty good for 9 weeks. It feels like a healthy weight loss pace. More importantly it feels like a sustainable pace. Last time I lost a significant amount of weight it was on Atkins. I lost 14 pounds very quickly and lost an overall 30 pounds only to gain it all back. That felt like a diet. This feels like change (Is that the buzzword of the year, or what?). Also, I did much better recording my food choices and point totals on Weight Watchers. Looks like even without that tool I was doing a pretty good job of sticking to my daily point totals.

Now the bad news: I haven’t been able to keep up with my workout goals these past two weeks. I still met with Heather, my trainer, but was unable to make it in for any workouts on my own. Life kept getting in the way. Last week…to tell the truth I don’t even remember why I didn’t go last week on my own. I can assure you it was for a good reason. This is what happens when I don’t blog weekly. This past weekend my son developed a major illness and was brought down by a serious cough. My wife and I were up with him all week. No one slept. Last night was the first time all week we didn’t have to get up multiple times with him. Although we still had to get up once around 2am. It’s always hard to go back to sleep after that. I did make it in yesterday morning to meet with Heather but I made her take it easy on me. She did…kind of.

I only have two shows left in my run of Uncle Vanya and things will finally settle down in my life. I am really looking forward to Sunday because I have no obligations for the first time in months. I am proud that through all that has been trying to interupt this process I have maintained a sense of purpose. It is encouraging to think I might be able to do this on my own once the program has ended.

One more week with my nutritionist and trainer. Heather and I are going to redo my evaluation to see what my progress has been. I get my free pair of shoes soon and next week we will be going on a grocery store tour. I’ll let you know how it all goes. Until then…I’m going to try to get some sleep.

Okay, so what’s changed? I wish I could say a lot. I wish I could say the re-commitment thing was proceeding flawlessly. I wish…I wish…Iwish. Last weeks goals were to begin jounaling again on Weight Watchers and get back to drinking more water throughout the day. The water I did pretty good on but as soon as I set the Weight Watchers goal it completely left my brain I failed to do it. I keep excusing myself with my busy schedule. The problem with that is I will always have busy periods in my life. That can’t be an excuse to slack off. This is a change that is supposed to fit into my life no matter what is going on. I simply need to work harder at achieving my goals.

I still went to the gym twice last week. I even lost a pound. But I had plateaued for two weeks so it has been frustrating. I know I need to start journaling again so I can make sure I am sticking to the plan. I haven’t really strayed from it too much. I feel like I am still keeping the eating in check. I am doing well keeping veggies and fruit in my diet and controlling the portions. I realize I need to be realistic about this whole thing. The pounds aren’t going to disappear over night. I’ve already lost 11 pounds and in 7 weeks that’s pretty darn good. I have to remember there is a bigger goal at the end of the year and not be so focused on just this 10 week program. I am feeling healthier and that was the main objective from the start.

Well, I am off to journal my meals for the day.

Last week was rough. My show, Uncle Vanya, opened on Thursday night and I was in the theater all week and through that weekend. It’s hard to keep track of everything when you are constantly on the go. I have slipped a little. Not a bunch but my weight loss has plateaued a bit. I’ll get some days off from my show soon and that will help.

In talking to my nutritionist I am so thankful for this program right now. This is the time I definitely would have quit had I not had the program to help me re-focus. The program is making me re-focus my energy. It’s keeping me from sliding all the way. I know many of us won’t ever get the opportunity  to participate in a program like this. I know that without it I would have fallen into the same old rhythms and habits. I hope the folks who are reading this blog can at least receive some of the benefits of this opportunity given to me. This is the hard part. This is when it’s time to re-commit and not let past failures color this experience. There are so many reasons to continue this regimen and lifestyle choice I can’t list them all. Hopefully those reasons will be what pulls me through this tough part.